Tuesday, March 13, 2007

March 13, 2007

I'm working very hard, but am I working smart. I'm sabotaging myself a bit by not being confident. I keep telling myself I am at new at this, I keep telling others that I don't have this experience. When anyone starts something new, she does not have the experience. What she does need to succeed is focus and a belief in herself. Where did I lose my confidence? Never self deprecate.

Also, answer quickly when people try to skew things one way. A trader called my comment "academic." It certainly was not academic and I should have called him on the spot. Now I am sitting her stewing over it, thinking about writing an email to him.

Also, I need to be positional in every thing I say - cater it to that person. I need to create the impression that I am a superstar. How do I do this? Do everything with confidence and wisdom. Do not use filler language, except to move your point along. I need to shift my whole focus. I am now Associate General Counsel. I have accountability. People are relying on me to advise them. I need to tell them that I am advising them and this is good advice. They can rely on me. I am brilliant, a rock, a superstar.

Don't talk to COO about deals generally. He is very protective of John, which is why I believe he is not sending out my announcement - for fear of hurting John. However, that then becomes unwelcoming to me. Of course I have a signed a deal where I get about half my comp at the end of the term. No one needs to be nice to me. I do not need their niceness. I need their respect and to be likeable. Niceness will follow.

Reading an article in the times, I was thinking about my story about the young boy who comes down the mountain with a donkey's back full of carpets in Pakistan. That would be one story in "Perpetual Immigrant." There must also be a story about Kuwait, a woman who is American and defies a security guard at the Ministry of Information. The consequence of that. Does she groped by the driver on the same day? Yes, it is a day of molestation at the hands of the Arabs. But how does she respond. She is late for work, she does not want her light pink dress to be sullied, she is annoyed rather than coyed. She pretends not to understand the security guard, ignores his calls after her. She has hell to pay for this - but not personally because an Arab woman protects her, goes and speaks Arabic to the security boss men. What does she say? Is it a mystery - what is the insight into the Kuwaiti woman. Does she insist that the American is ignorant, things are different in her country, she is new. What arguments does she employ? Or does she accuse the guard of molestation on the grounds that the American is very beautiful.

[interrupted by cousin's wife to give advice on breastfeeding, pumping, etc.]

I must keep my laser sharp focus on my job - how to solve the Vene oil warrant crisis, how to effectively communicate with the traders, how to be a supernova. A supernova is expansive, brilliant, and everyone comes out to see it.

wish me luck...sk


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