Day 20something
Its between 3 and 4 weeks and I think I am A OK. Except when I am deliriously happy or in the depths of despair. I am noticing this more since I started taking 5HTP, a precursor to seratonin that also helps gut motility as I haven't got any.
This thought made me sad.
Sitting in the parking lot of the mall makes me happy, or actually sad. Or something.
Last night I had the urge to shop til I drop.
However I cannot because I am a responsible nature adult with responsibilities and commitments to others whom I love.
Seeing the "expression" oil on dharmaceuticals made me cry.
Reading about Hillary on a ragmag made me cry. She asks herself, "do I still love him?"
Shouldn't it be: "do I still love?"
Last night when I asked for a cuddle he said of course, that's why people get married. I wanted to argue about this but then I wanted the cuddle more. Then I could relax and go to sleep. How wonderful.
I hid when I heard him coming up the stairs. I wasn't dressed yet and didn't want him to see me like this - distended stomach, like the character in a Gabriel Garcia Marques novel, requiring daily enemas just to get by.
It's not that bad though it also is sort of worse.
I was excited to read that Karl Ove had also quit smoking using Allen Carr but then I read that he went back to smoking. Not my hero. It is easy to quit but then you or I have to deal with you or I because we don't have that lovely comfort of a secret affair with ciggies.
Eventually we have to give up everything til there is naught. It is better to do this while still living - I do not know why. Only that giving up is a practice now. And I hardly know myself. But I do like what I see in the mirror. It is one of those times - when I have to cry all my tears.
Later I will laugh all my laughter.
This thought made me sad.
Sitting in the parking lot of the mall makes me happy, or actually sad. Or something.
Last night I had the urge to shop til I drop.
However I cannot because I am a responsible nature adult with responsibilities and commitments to others whom I love.
Seeing the "expression" oil on dharmaceuticals made me cry.
Reading about Hillary on a ragmag made me cry. She asks herself, "do I still love him?"
Shouldn't it be: "do I still love?"
Last night when I asked for a cuddle he said of course, that's why people get married. I wanted to argue about this but then I wanted the cuddle more. Then I could relax and go to sleep. How wonderful.
I hid when I heard him coming up the stairs. I wasn't dressed yet and didn't want him to see me like this - distended stomach, like the character in a Gabriel Garcia Marques novel, requiring daily enemas just to get by.
It's not that bad though it also is sort of worse.
I was excited to read that Karl Ove had also quit smoking using Allen Carr but then I read that he went back to smoking. Not my hero. It is easy to quit but then you or I have to deal with you or I because we don't have that lovely comfort of a secret affair with ciggies.
Eventually we have to give up everything til there is naught. It is better to do this while still living - I do not know why. Only that giving up is a practice now. And I hardly know myself. But I do like what I see in the mirror. It is one of those times - when I have to cry all my tears.
Later I will laugh all my laughter.
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