Day 20something

Its between 3 and 4 weeks and I think I am A OK.  Except when I am deliriously happy or in the depths of despair.  I am noticing this more since I started taking 5HTP, a precursor to seratonin that also helps gut motility as I haven't got any.

This thought made me sad.

Sitting in the parking lot of the mall makes me happy, or actually sad.  Or something.

Last night I had the urge to shop til I drop.

However I cannot because I am a responsible nature adult with responsibilities and commitments to others whom I love.

Seeing the "expression" oil on dharmaceuticals made me cry.

Reading about Hillary on a ragmag made me cry.  She asks herself, "do I still love him?"

Shouldn't it be:  "do I still love?"

Last night when I asked for a cuddle he said of course, that's why people get married.  I wanted to argue about this but then I wanted the cuddle more. Then I could relax and go to sleep.  How wonderful.

I hid when I heard him coming up the stairs.  I wasn't dressed yet and didn't want him to see me like this - distended stomach, like the character in a Gabriel Garcia Marques novel, requiring daily enemas just to get by.

It's not that bad though it also is sort of worse.

I was excited to read that Karl Ove had also quit smoking using Allen Carr but then I read that he went back to smoking.  Not my hero.  It is easy to quit but then you or I have to deal with you or I because we don't have that lovely comfort of a secret affair with ciggies.

Eventually we have to give up everything til there is naught.  It is better to do this while still living - I do not know why.  Only that giving up is a practice now.  And I hardly know myself.  But I do like what I see in the mirror.  It is one of those times - when I have to cry all my tears.

Later I will laugh all my laughter.