Friday, December 15, 2006


December 15, 2006

I dreamt that I was on this wild goose interview with Mark, the top gun of the Fund. It was to be hired, full time, which is my dream at this time. Meanwhile there was another contender, a black sulky woman. "It's amazing what a difference attitude makes," said Mark to me. Later, we all went out to dinner. The black woman was still sulking. I was trying to keep my wits together - did he or did he not like me?

This morning, I was still on the interview even after waking up. I'd better rush and get to work, I thought. I even put on my new collection quality pearls, to show that yes, I am successful, bright and corporate.

It's all because of this horoscope I read yesterday about a stranger giving me a job offer and me having to make a good first impression. How suggestable I am. But I can feel how ripe the time is.

I missed the x-mas party in London, so perhaps that is also what the dream was doing - I was there on some plane.

In other news, I bought Knicks tix for hubby and guess what? We'll be out of town for that Lakers game. So now I have to scramble and sell those tix on craigslist, while trying to determine which are the good games in a sport I barely care for. X-mas is so much fun. No, but truly it is because I can't wait to see the look of delight in honey's face. It will be either delight or horror - "New Jersey tickets? I hate New Jersey!"

Olive is the most charming baby around - she has a gorgeous face that is a perfect combination of her father and me. And she talks these funny talks, with sounds that are like words and very lyrically composed but have no meaning in English or Urdu that I can decipher. You know all those mothers that know exactly what their baby's cry means or understand exactly what word "bah bah" is? Well, I hate them.

My left shoulder is higher than the other; the musculature is all bunched up from desk work and carrying baby around from that side. Carrying around my 20 lb toddler baby. She makes life sweeter without the concern of diabetes.

Bright idea while on the subway reading about Cisco's purchase of a video conferencing company - forget video conferencing as it does not allow face to face interaction which is what is missing in working from disparate locations. Instead, gaming would allow participants to pick a SIM like character and then work in that simulated environment with other participants of a work group. Human puppeteers of the SIM characters would control them - it would be like watching your shadow participate in a work group where other shadows have congregated. The expense of this - the technology to make an on screen animation mimic a person does exist but is probably too expensive at the moment.

the end for now....must return to work!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


December 12, 2006

What do they want from us? Here we are, profusely bleeding, having night sweats, obviously still postpartum at 10 mos, and somehow men want us to be understanding of their needs for sex. Sex, you see, shows them that we still love them because their key to the secret garden still works. But when the red seas are flooding the garden, the only secret is to do more chores and try not to annoy us.

It's unsettling to be in a fight with him. I'll admit I am not the picture of grace and beauty - I lost it last night and started swearing at him when he wouldn't transfer the baby from our bed to the crib. I not only need more help now, but demand it - it's a must.

Yet, he feels unloved with so many weeks of sexlessness behind him - first I was too busy with Thanksgiving cooking and hosting; then I was too busy with work; now I am busy bleeding (almost to death). I told him how to get some: its very simple - take me on a vacation.

He's looking up hotspots near Cancun where American flies direct.

I'm even too period-y to continue this blog at this time. Closed for reconstruction.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

December 7, 2006

Darlings, yesterday was such a better day. The boss was out and I was at the helm steering ye old yacht solo. Felt good. Today, she is back and responding to emails to me on which she has been copied. Why does she do that: it feels as if she is stealing my mail, which a federal offence in some jurisdictions.

But then again I thrive on her encouragement, the fear of her criticism or displeausure, and bask in her love. She did show lots of love on Nov 23, when she got me my 70% raise. It wasn't the highest bid, but how can I leave her? I cannot.

It's that crone/crony relationship. Mostly, it may be that time of the month again when I see the dark side of everyone's shadow. Yes, the past few days she has been absent, and it was a mamogrammy that she went for. I daydreamed: was there some bad news? That would be cause for great panic.

Now that she's back, I realize just how much emotional energy it takes to manage your boss - to make them see the true path (that I deserve to be promoted).

Olive is so much easier. She babbles and I babble back; her dad does it too even though he shuns baby talk at the dinner table in a more sensible frame of mind. But I caught him baa baa-ing like a black sheep to her, in response to some animal noises that she was making. It was an Animal Farm conversation at the changing table.

She gives me big hugs too, when I leave. We wave bye-bye. Bye-bye, bye-bye.

I walk out the door to the dried orange leaves and pigeon poop on the front step. There's big centipedes too in our house, now that its very cold outside. I have to wear long johns to work. I'm also wearing my glasses to air out my eyes, preparing for Lasik. I sold my car for $4500 which I will now invest in my eyes.

Happy Holidays, glummy